I would like to dedicate this blog to something which we always ignore in our lifetime. "Self-Care"
What is this self-care?
Self care is nothing but taking care of yourselves and having some alone time for yourselves in which you do something you are passionate about, your hobbies, or anything which doesnt seem like a chore to you.
In life, from the day we are students, we do as our parents say, after we graduate from college, we do as our boss says and in home we do as our husband/wife say and in the meantime we tend to forget what makes us happy and what is our purpose in life. At each stage of our life we have made so much compromises, that in the end, we are not sure that if those would even matter.
When I was working in the intensive care unit in a hospital, I came across a 70 year old woman who was in a very critical condition. Her relatives were all visiting her. One fine night, she called me and asked me to sit by her side. She was telling how she was life full of compromises. She still had lots of things she wanted to do in her life but was not able to. She was depressed to the core that she lost the will to live or continue her life anymore. She was not taken care by her children properly. Her son and his wife who were outside were waiting for her to get immediately cured and get discharged or the other way around as they are not able to meet the expenses. Her son was asking me "Is there any chance that my mother will make it? For that his wife is replying sarcastically that his mother will make all their savings dry before getting better and coming home. She passed away in a few days time without being a burden to them.
Money is not everything. Success and fame is not everything in our life. We are all programmed in such a way that if we get all these things in our life we will be happy. But sadly, thats not the reality. Then why do some celebrites and successful people commit suicide? It all goes inside our minds. So what happens if we ignore to care for ourselves?
1. We always tend to find that we miss something in our lives.
2. We tend to get ill often. Yes, its true. Not only in the physical plane but also in the mental plane. You will get infections like common cold frequently as our immunity levels get a hit and you will develop conditions like anxiety around people or feel isolated when in a group.
3. Let us take that you are living your life as per the wishes of your parents/wife/husband etc. You are a very good and obedient person to them. But inside your subconcious mind, you will feel as though you are under their control. This will in turn strain your relationship which is not healthy as on one day or the other you may burst out and the very persons who you were obeying all time long may consider you as a disobedient, arrogant and selfish person.
4. You become messy. Your personal life and professional life will turn sour. You cant put your 100% into either of it.
5. You tend to follow some gurus or watch inspirational videos on youtube and tend to change your lifestyle as they say or how they ask you to live. In end, you will be the same person you were in the beginning.
How to self-care or how to come out of this situation?
I dont want to tell you to exercise, do meditation, eat healthy etc. Those are the usual things they tend to say for all issues. Those things are needed and I accept it wholeheartedly. Remember, the problem is not in the outside world or inside you. But what you make out of it.
1. The first thing which you need to do is accept yourself for who you really are. Accept your limitations, your shortcomings and look for the ways in which you can improve genuinely.
2. Next step is to find out what makes you happy. We are all human beings. Some thing or the other in the world will make us happy. Try to find that.
3. Next is to actively make effort to do that activity in your life. Most often, those things are not a part of our daily routine. So take time, devote time for yourself once in a while. Just make sure your family understands and explain to them in a way that they will understand rather than dealing with the situation in an arrogant manner.
4. Do not force anything on yourself in the name of self care and make situation worse. This is what happens when you suddenly prepare to hit the gym or do meditation.
5. Do not expect instantaneous results. Just experiment. Take your time. Identify what makes you happy. If you are still on the fence on trying to find what makes you happy, there is a simple solution. Just think about your childhood. think of the happy memories. Just close your eyes. Randomly choose one period from your teenage years in which you were so happy that you forgot about the outside world. Identify what activities you were doing. Just start doing those activities.
6. Try not to give lame excuses that you are busy the whole day. If you think somethings worthy to spend time on, you will automatically devote some time for that activity.
7. This self care can boost your productivity, your thoughts bring out more positivity, give you an adrenaline rush, increase the serotonin levels in your body which will in turn make you happy on the inside which will improve your social relations, inspire you with new ideas in your work or whatever and heal you from the ground up.
8. If in this state, you start eating healthy food, do some exercises in the morning and engage yourself in healthy meditation there is less chances of dropouts.
9. Whatvever you do in your daily lives, do not fix a goal. If you want to achieve greatness, do not expect anything. Just fix your wholehearted attention 101% on the thing you are doing in the present and try to do it as best as possible and dont get attached with the outcome.
10. Each of us is different. What works for me is not going to work for you. So experiment with yourselves. Introspect yourself. Find your hidden talents. Find your inner strength.
The most important of all, in the process of doing all these please dont hurt the feelings of others. Make them understand. We have no right to be happy on the expense of hurting other's feelings.
11. Stop judging yourself and the people around you. If somebody wrongs you, just walk away. Don't vent out the anger on others or self inflict the anger on yourselves by abusing substances like alcohol etc.
12. Learn to forgive others and yourselves. We are all human beings. We all do mistakes. Just forgive, re-learn and programme not to repeat it again.
13. Stay away from social media as much as possible. Envy, jealousy, hatred and most of the negative emotions spring from using the social media if not used in a healthy manner.
I would like to wind up this blog by summarising it in a singe paragraph, Introspect-find your inner source of happiness-dedicate time-energise-refuel-become strong-exercise-eat healthy-practice love, kindness and empathy-dont judge-forgive-no expectations-dont get attached with outcome-lead a healthy and happy life.